Bobbi Jo looked up from braiding her three year old’s golden silky hair.
“Thinking?” Bobbi Jo looked surprised.
“Well,” Sadie let her breath out. “There it is.”
“Quite amazing. My world has shifted,” Irving said.
“And you say I’m sarcastic,” said Sadie.
“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking about God.” Bobbi Jo blinked. Conrad took a deep breath and pronounced, “I no longer believe in God.” Bobbi Jo looked at him as though he’d suggested a threesome with the children watching.
Irving said, “Oy, now this is gonna get really good.”
Bobbi Jo clapped her hands over Tyler Sue’s ears. The little girl cried out.
“Are you crazy? You will not say things like that in front of the children. It is blasphemous. My mother would wash your mouth out with soap.”
“Bobbi Jo, I am not a child. I am a grown man who can say whatever he chooses in his own home. And I’m just trying to tell you how I’ve been feeling.” Bobbi Jo didn’t respond. “I’m a scientist and I can no longer listen to these fairy stories and believe them. Do you really believe Jesus walked on water?” Bobbi Jo nodded. “Well, I don’t, unless there were stones under the water that he conveniently stepped on. And I don’t believe he rose from his grave. Only ghosts can do that and there’s no such thing.”
“He’s got some nerve,” Sadie said. “What are we? Chopped liver?”
“I have my doubts Jesus rose from the dead,” Irving said. “I’ve never seen him down here.” He paused. “Or back at the Ghost Group Get-Togethers in you-know-where.”
“He’s definitely not a card carrying member of the GGG. You know that I know everyone who’s anyone and Jesus has definitely not been a presence.”
“Maybe he’s just not a joiner,” Irving offered.
Bobbi Jo pointed at Conrad. “Blasphemer!”
Irving jumped. “I thought she was talking to me,” he said.
“If she was,” Sadie said. “She would’ a been right.”
Conrad pointed back. “If I’m a blasphemer, then you’re a sheep. You know what?” Conrad searched for the words that eluded him. “You know what? You haven’t had one thought of your own since we met. You just parrot back what that charlatan minister feeds you.”
“Charlatan?” said Bobbi Jo. “Preacher Elijah is the kindest, wisest, most giving man on this earth.”
“Oh yeah, he gives. To himself. To his wife. To his kids. They live in a ten-bedroom mansion. Do we? They spend winters in Hawaii. Do we? They have a limo with a driver. I don’t see us living the high roller lifestyle.”
“He needs to protect himself and his family from the paparazzi and the crazy fanatics out there.”
“Baaaaaaaa!” Conrad bleated like a sheep. Irving hooted.
“Sounds like the only people Preacher Elijah needs protection from is the IRS,” Sadie said.
“You didn’t see Jesus living like that and he was the rock star of his time,” Conrad said.
“Preacher Elijah is a saint,” said Bobbi Jo. “And I won’t have you dirtying his name and teachings.”
Sadie said, “Hold on, I thought only Catholics had saints.”
“Just an expression. Don’t you think, Sadie,” Irving said. “knowing how his wife feels, he’s being pretty harsh?”
“Well, my philosophy has always been, ‘Call ‘em as they roll,’” said Sadie.
“Oy, Sadie. You been spending too much time in Las Vegas.”
“Not Vegas, Atlantic City.”
“And Jesus didn’t turn water into wine either. Unless you think he was just some parlor trick magician,” Conrad went on.
“It coulda been some kind of mass delusion,” Sadie remarked to Irv.
“Very possible when you’re dealing with charismatic leaders,” Irv said.
Mazel Tov on being a published author.
Al