“Such as?”
“Such as The Old Testament talking about awareness of the food we eat. It says how animals are supposed to be slaughtered to avoid cruelty to the animals and make sure the food is healthy. Have you ever seen what goes on at a modern day slaughterhouse? Have you ever seen how cattle are slaughtered?” And there’s the poisons animals ingest from the atmosphere and the land. Meat is not green.”
“Well, I suppose that’s part of it,” said Sadie. “But boy, he doesn’t know bopkiss about the Kashrut laws. “
“You said a mouthful,” Irving said. “But at least he’s citing the Torah, the Five Books.”
“It says in Genesis, God put animals on this earth in order to feed us and serve us,” Bobbi Jo said. Her usually light complexion was deepening into red tones.
“Bobbi Jo, animals have feelings. They experience pain. I don’t want to be the one who adds to their misery.”
“I am not making two separate menus for every meal and my children are going to be brought up on good American beef and pork.”
“Did she say pork?” Sadie said.
“She did, God forgive her,” Irving said.
“A shandah!” Sadie cried.
Conrad could feel his own temperature rising and struggled to get a hold of himself. “I never asked you to. Look, Bobbi Jo, I am so tired of your pronouncements. You’re so sure of yourself. You never question anything.”
“That’s because I have faith. In our heavenly Father and in the path He has chosen for me.”
Irving sat up in bed. “I guess she doesn’t know God isn’t a man.”
“Or a woman.” Sadie snorted. “Besides, faith is one thing. Ignorance is another.”
“You ain’t just a-whistling Dixie,” Irving concurred.
“I’ll tell you one thing, Sugar,” Bobbi Jo said as she rolled over to face her husband. Her voice was honey and cream. “If you want meat-free meals, you can make your own or order out at Lettuce Please You.” She moved over to the far edge of the bed. “And if I hear one word of this poison you’ve been spreading about our Lord in front of the children, you can pack a bag and find an apartment.” She turned the light out. There was a silence. It was too pregnant to last. The light went back on. “Oh and one other thing. I’m calling Dr. Phil in the morning and we’ll see what he has to say about all this.”
“Dr. Phil! Bobbi Jo, you are just plain nuts.”
“Be that as it may.” She leaned over and turned out the lights.
Sadie and Irving were flummoxed.
“Irv, this little Shiksa is meshugenah. What’s going on here since we passed? You don’t talk things out with your spouse; you don’t speak with your priest or Rabbi. You don’t go to the shrink. You immediately call the Dr. Phil Show? Nu? Kemen Leben?”
“Don’t ask me, Sadelah. I don’t know from nothing. Somehow, I don’t think God had any of this in mind when She/He handed Moses the Tablets.”
In the morning, after Conrad had left for the office having eaten twenty-eight almonds for breakfast, Bobbi Jo sat right down and dialed the number for the Dr. Phil show she’d found on the Internet.
When Conrad came home that evening, Bobbi Jo was serving Sloppy Joes to the children, made with ground pork and beef. Conrad sighed, opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. Bobbi Jo plunked a head of iceberg lettuce on a plate in front of him. Conrad stared at his plate but refused to react. The children giggled.
“She is not nice,” Sadie said.
“She’s got spunk.” Irving seemed pleased.
Conrad rose to grab some salad dressing from the fridge while Bobbi Jo bubbled over with excitement about the results of her Dr. Phil Show efforts.
“The Dr. Phil producers called back today and they want us to come on the show! Isn’t that great. They’re going to do a whole fifteen minutes just on us. I told them that you misled me and lied to me about what you believed before we were married. That you pretended to be one thing but really were something else.”
Mazel Tov on being a published author.
Al